i got 99 problems and probably about 94 of them come from my lack of motivation to do anything
have you ever known somebody so shitty they completely ruin that first name for you?
This may not make sense to a lot of you so I do apologise in advance.
This man has been my idol along side Dick Van Dyke for as long as I can remember. I used to watch Flubber every night before bed and I’d sit through films just to see him appear for a small section. I just completely and utterly admired and adored this man for everything he was and stood for, his talent and his heart was always put into his work.
To find out he killed himself in such a way, overcome by such emotion kills me.
As some of you may know I have been battling depression since a really young age and social anxiety for the past two years. I’ve been in a place where I felt bad enough to take my own life and if it wasn’t for my mum finding and saving me I wouldn’t be here today. It saddens me to know I know that feeling, of being completely lost and just done. I’m not saying in any way we are the same or have the same lives or minds. But to know my biggest idol, a man who was on my bucket list to meet, felt emotions so similar to mine. It made him more relatable.
When I found out I was so sad I instantly began crying, my mum hugged me and said the most meaningful words I think I’ll ever hear.
‘Sometimes when people commit or attempt suicide they only want to die at that specific point. They don’t see a light, they only see more darkness.’
These may not seem like much but it really hit home to me.
I want to say this to anyone feeling low out there right now, this is not the end, life will not always be this way.
It does get better.